i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
