Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
