i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
