last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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