so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
