I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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