Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
