Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
