just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
