It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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