Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
