I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
