Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
