so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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