These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
