Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
