Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
