There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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