Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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