It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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