Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
