just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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