He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
