i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
