so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
