Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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