i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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