Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
