with your own penis?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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