this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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