Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just pynch a tree in the face
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
