I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
