Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
