you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
