I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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