if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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