I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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