I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
