good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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