I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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