and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
