Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
