Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
