How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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