he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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