just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
