Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
