Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
