is wine microwaveable?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
