Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
