My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
