I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
