Do you still have your period?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
