Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
